Dear kids,
That’s all three of you, including the
just-turned 21-year old that I technically didn’t raise (I want you to know
this idea started with you twenty one years ago.)
That parenthesized sentence is lesson number one. Start
important ideas now. Not necessarily the most profitable, or the most
interesting, and certainly not the biggest, but the most important.
Start small and stay consistent:
I’d like to “(fill in the blank)” someday should be changed
to “I’m going to _________ one day and here is the first step I am going to
take. God help me this doesn't involve doing drugs, binge drinking ('cause that will never happen, or ugh, promiscuous sex. Plus a host of other illegal activities, moving on.)
Twenty-one years ago I seriously began writing this idea
down. I’m lucky I’m still alive to do it.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried an entry, maybe two, in one of
the cheesy diaries they sold at bookstores back then. It might have been
interesting, was probably sentimental, and is now lost in a trash dump
somewhere biodegrading.
The three of you, my big girl Alexandria (21,) my little
girl Hannah (8) and my big boy Zachary (10) have given me (and continue to
teach me) life lessons I can’t imagine having come across without you all in my
life.
I’ve always wished I had more to offer you, more success to emulate, more
money to impress you with (look what Dad can do!) But that’s just ego talking.
Even though I still owe your mother over $6,000 in back child support, Alex,
I’ve learned that there are much more poignant experiences I have to offer. (Don't worry, she's getting the money, just slowly...)
In
fact, all three of you, who get along so well despite rarely seeing each other,
seem to thrive with my focused attention. That’s not bragging. I’ve seen it.
When I’m attentive to your needs, your wants, when I’m rational, and of course
fun, our unit operates under an umbrella of happiness, contentedness, and ridiculous fits of laughter.
I’m 42 this year. For the past several years we’ve (your
Mother and I) thought about how we would ensure your well-being if anything
ever happened to us. Fortunately, your
Mom is who she is, and she took care of that. Thanks Life Insurance!
Yet for me, that isn’t enough.
My own mother died when she
was my age, and I remember that in her last few years she made an extra effort
to instill some sanity, spirituality and important life lessons into my sister and I. As you know, Grandpa has never been much for rationality, except in his own head. More than
anything else, I remember those lessons, and her sincerity and effort. (It was
nice remembering her as a calm, rational person, although I do recall how happy she was driving in some tiny red sedan playing Michael Jackson's Off the Wall in the tape deck over and over. That's "tape deck," Google it.)
That got me thinking. No matter how much money we end up
leaving for you all when we’re gone, it can’t compare to any life lessons and
experiences together you remember and carry with you throughout life.
There’s this movie with Michael Keaton I watched several
years ago. In it, he plays a cocky, arrogant, even ruthless boss who finds out
he has cancer and only has a few months to live. Rather than wallow in his misery and feel sorry for himself, he takes action. All that time spent
becoming a successful professional took him away from his family and especially
his son. So he decides to start making videos for his son to watch after he’s
gone. He knows he won’t be there when he starts to cook for himself, for
example, so he makes videos on how to fix some simple dishes.
Today you have a million ways to learn things on the
Internet, and the three of you are already adept at learning and doing for
yourself when you want to. Still, these entries will serve to share my personal
experiences with you, or my ideas on how to handle situations, on life
philosophy, or maybe to just eternalize the recipes for the smoothies you like
so much.
I know a lot of what I say to you on a day-to-day basis doesn’t stick, so I’m hoping this
will give you a reference to look to, a trusted source if you will. You could
even think of it as an archive (albeit a subjective one) about special events
in our lives together, of your individual achievements and struggles, of good
times and bad. Of course, these are my thoughts and observations, and above all
I want to remind you that although they may be about you, you are not doomed to
feel the same about them. But if you do, that’s okay, too.
It’s my sincere intention that each of you will find
something interesting and useful here one day. Find it, use it, internalize it
and move on.
***Disclaimer: There is no particular order to the letters
to come. When I think of something that should be written, I’ll start writing.
Which, if you know me, is not at all unexpected. J
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